New Year, New People: Trying Social Again (Your Way)

Hello AutismWorks Community,

If yesterday’s message was a letter to the version of you that’s trying, then today is for the next step—the one that can feel both exciting and intimidating:

new experiences… with other people involved.

People are hard. That’s not negativity—that’s honesty. People are unpredictable, fast, emotional, and sometimes confusing. But people are also connection, laughter, shared interests, and unexpected moments that make life richer.

Hard doesn’t mean impossible.

This article is about social new experiences, done in a way that protects your energy, honors your personality, and still gives you a chance to build something real.

Start With This Truth: Social Skills Are Not a Switch

They’re not “on” or “off.” They’re more like a muscle. If you haven’t used it much—or if it’s been hurt before—you don’t bench press 300 pounds on day one.

You start small. You build. You recover. You try again.

The Best Social “New Experiences” Are Interest-Based

If the goal is to connect, don’t start with random small talk. Start with shared interest. Shared interest gives structure. It gives a reason to be there. It reduces the pressure to perform.

Examples:

• Arcade night, pinball league, board game café

• Art class, pottery night, sketch group

• Local meetup for anime, comics, retro games, filmmaking

• Bookstore event, library group, author talk

• Volunteering (animal shelter, community garden)

• Fitness spaces with predictable routines (walking group, climbing gym, yoga)

Interest makes socializing easier because the topic is already alive.

The “Observe → Join → Exit” Method (social without pressure)

This is my favorite social strategy because it gives me control.

1. Observe: Arrive and watch first. No rushing. No forcing.

2. Join: Make one small move—say one line, ask one question, play one round, stay 10 minutes.

3. Exit: Leave on purpose. Not because you failed, but because you’re training your nervous system that social events are safe.

You can leave early and still win.

Your Social Goal Should Be Tiny (and measurable)

Not “make friends.”

Try:

• “Say hello to one person.”

• “Ask one question.”

• “Stay for 20 minutes.”

• “Attend two events this month.”

• “Learn one person’s name.”

Small goals keep experiences achievable—and repeatable. Repeatable is where confidence is built.

What to Say (simple scripts that work)

If you want a few lines you can actually use:

• “Hey, I’m new here. What’s this event usually like?”

• “That’s a cool shirt. Where’d you get it?”

• “What game do you recommend?”

• “I’m more of a quiet person, but I wanted to check this out.”

• “I might dip out early, but I’m glad I came.”

That last one is powerful because it’s honest and removes pressure.

How to Know Someone Is “Safe” to Keep Around

Since we’ve been talking about trust and circles, here are some green flags:

• They don’t mock you for being quiet

• They don’t force eye contact or physical touch

• They’re consistent (same behavior over time)

• They respect your boundaries the first time

• They make you feel calmer, not smaller

If someone does the opposite, that’s not your circle. Keep moving.

Recovery Is Part of Social Success

Social effort costs energy. That’s normal.

So plan your recovery:

• Quiet time afterward

• Instrumental music

• A comfortable routine

• A snack + water

• A low-stimulation evening

When you recover properly, you’ll be willing to try again sooner.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “I want connection, but people are hard,” I get it.

Still—people are never impossible.

The trick is to approach social experiences with structure, choice, and small goals. Not to impress anyone. Not to perform. Just to practice showing up as yourself.

New year. New chances. New experiences.

One step at a time.

Thank you for reading.

With appreciation,
Tyler McNamer
Founder, AutismWorks