Greetings to our AutismWorks Family,

Fear can help us stop before we step into traffic, move away from a threat, or question a request that does not feel right. In those moments, fear has a useful job: getting our attention so we can protect ourselves.

That is what I mean by making fear your friend.

Developing healthy fears means learning to recognize risks and respond with appropriate caution. We can respect the dangers around us while continuing to learn, explore, and enjoy life.

The goal is to understand what deserves caution and know what to do about it.

Feeling afraid is a reason to pay attention. It does not, by itself, tell us exactly what is happening.

Sometimes there is a genuine danger. Sometimes we do not yet understand a situation. Sometimes an environment is overwhelming, or a past experience makes us expect something difficult.

For some individuals with autism, uncertainty and challenging sensory environments can contribute to anxiety. Clear information and changes to the environment may help. A quieter space, a visual plan, or an explanation of what will happen can address a need that “just be brave” leaves unanswered.

When someone says they are frightened, start by listening. Ask what they have noticed and what would help them communicate or feel more comfortable.

We can take the feeling seriously while learning more about its cause.

Healthy caution becomes useful when we connect a specific risk to a specific action.

• Around traffic: Learn where to stop, how to check for vehicles, and when to use an appropriate crossing. Practice with support suited to the person’s needs.

• Around heat or sharp tools: Learn what can cause an injury and how to use the equipment correctly. Ask for a demonstration or assistance before using something unfamiliar.

• Online: Pause when someone asks for passwords, private information, money, or a secret conversation. Check the request with a trusted person rather than responding to pressure or urgency.

• With other people: Pay attention when someone ignores a boundary, pushes you to do something you do not want to do, or makes you feel unable to ask for help.

These examples give caution somewhere to go. Instead of leaving someone with “Something bad might happen,” we can explain the risk and practice a protective response.

You can use these safety habits even when you do not feel afraid. Feeling calm does not replace checking the situation.

Personal boundaries are an important part of this conversation.

A child or young adult should know that they can say no to unwanted touch and speak to a trusted person about something that worries them. That includes situations involving someone familiar or someone they care about. If someone harms them or ignores their boundaries, that person’s actions are their responsibility.

Practice words that are clear and usable:

• “No, I don’t want to.”

• “Please give me space.”

• “I need to check with someone first.”

• “I need help.”

For someone who communicates without speech, make sure their communication system includes a way to refuse, request space, and ask for help.

Then respect those messages in everyday life. If we teach someone to speak up, we also need to show that speaking up matters.

A person’s friendliness, job title, or familiarity should never replace paying attention to how they behave.

One simple practice to try is pause, check, and choose.

Pause. Stop moving toward the situation or agreeing to the request. Give yourself room to notice what concerns you. If there is immediate danger, move toward safety and seek help.

Check. Ask, “What could hurt me here? What do I know? What do I need to find out?” Consider whether the concern involves a hazard, pressure from another person, missing information, or an environment that needs adjusting. Ask someone trustworthy to help if you are unsure.

Choose. Take an action that fits what you have learned. You might step away, decline a request, use safety equipment, ask for support, or try a manageable first step once the situation has been checked.

The same feeling can lead to different decisions.

Being nervous about a new class might lead you to visit the room and meet the teacher beforehand. Being frightened because someone is threatening you calls for protection and help.

Understanding the situation helps us choose a useful response.

For parents, caregivers, and educators, teaching caution works best as an ongoing conversation.

Choose an everyday situation and explain the reason behind the safety habit. “This pan is hot, so we use an oven mitt” gives someone both information and an action to take.

Practice when things are calm. You can rehearse declining a request, asking a question, or finding someone who can help. Use words, pictures, or demonstrations that make sense to the individual.

Model your own judgment, too. “I don’t recognize this message, so I’m going to verify it before I respond” shows how caution can work in ordinary life.

Keep frightening threats and shame out of the lesson. We want people to understand a risk and know how to respond. They also need to feel comfortable telling us when something has gone wrong.

Ask what they think. Give them opportunities to explain their choices. This helps make safety something they understand and participate in.

Learning caution can also support independence.

Someone learning to cook can understand the danger of a hot stove and practice using it with appropriate support. As their skills develop, the safety habits remain part of what they know.

In that way, recognizing a risk can help make an activity possible.

Some situations call for leaving. Others call for preparation, an adjustment, or more help. A useful safety plan gives us a way to decide.

If fear or anxiety is persistent and interfering with sleep, school, work, relationships, or everyday activities, seek support from a healthcare professional who understands autism. Support should fit the person’s needs.

At AutismWorks, I want us to make room for this kind of learning: understanding our feelings, recognizing risks, and practicing choices that help protect us.

Making fear your friend means listening when it asks for your attention, then finding out what you need.

Sometimes that will be distance from a danger. Sometimes it will be clearer information, a respected boundary, or help with a new skill.

This week, choose one everyday situation to discuss together. Name the risk, identify a protective action, and give the individual a chance to practice or explain their choice.

When has fear helped you make a wise decision? Reply to this newsletter and share what you learned.

With gratitude,

Tyler McNamer
AutismWorks