The Person Is Bigger Than the Diagnosis
Hello AutismWorks Community,
A diagnosis can explain a lot.
It can help a family understand why certain things are difficult.
It can help a student receive support.
It can help a teacher understand how someone learns.
It can help an adult make sense of experiences that may have felt confusing for years.
A diagnosis can be useful.
But it should never become the entire definition of a person.
Because the person is always bigger than the diagnosis.
Autism may explain something, but it does not explain everything
When someone learns that a person has autism, it can be easy to start viewing everything through that one lens.
They are quiet?
That must be autism.
They love a particular subject?
Autism.
They get frustrated?
Autism.
They prefer certain routines?
Autism.
Sometimes autism may absolutely be relevant.
But sometimes a person is simply being a person.
Everyone has:
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preferences
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moods
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talents
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bad days
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favorite foods
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humor
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fears
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ambitions
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opinions
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memories
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relationships
People with autism are no different in that respect.
Autism may influence how someone experiences the world.
It does not replace the person experiencing it.
Get to know the individual
Two people can have the same diagnosis and be completely different.
One may love crowds.
Another may avoid them.
One may talk constantly.
Another may barely speak.
One may love sports.
Another may love art.
One may thrive with structure.
Another may enjoy a surprising amount of spontaneity.
One may need significant daily support.
Another may live independently.
There is no single personality called autism.
There are individuals.
That is why assumptions can be so limiting.
The best way to understand someone is still the simplest:
Get to know them.
Ask about interests, not only challenges
Sometimes conversations around autism become dominated by what is difficult.
What support does this person need?
What are they struggling with?
What behaviors need attention?
What skill needs improvement?
Those questions can be important.
But they should not be the only questions.
Ask:
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What makes this person laugh?
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What are they excited about?
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What can they talk about for hours?
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What do they want to learn?
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What are they proud of?
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What do they want to do someday?
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What makes them feel alive?
Those answers tell you something the diagnosis cannot.
They tell you who the person is becoming.
Strengths deserve as much attention as needs
Support is important.
So is recognition.
A person may need help with communication and still be an incredible artist.
They may struggle socially and still have a remarkable memory.
They may need help with organization and still understand computers better than anyone else in the room.
They may have difficulty expressing emotions and still care deeply about other people.
Human beings are complicated.
Strength and difficulty can exist together.
We should be able to acknowledge support needs without allowing those needs to overshadow everything else.
Do not make every accomplishment about autism
Sometimes a person with autism accomplishes something and the reaction becomes:
“That is amazing for someone with autism.”
The intention may be positive.
But think about how that sounds.
Maybe the accomplishment was simply amazing.
A person wins a tournament.
Creates a beautiful painting.
Writes a great story.
Earns a degree.
Gets a job.
Learns to drive.
Makes a friend.
Performs on stage.
Sometimes the best response is simply:
“Well done.”
Celebrate the person.
Not every accomplishment needs to become a story about overcoming a diagnosis.
The same goes for mistakes
This works in the other direction too.
Not every difficult moment should be blamed entirely on autism.
People with autism can make bad decisions.
They can hurt someone's feelings.
They can misunderstand something.
They can be impatient.
They can be wrong.
So can everyone else.
Accountability matters.
But accountability should be fair.
Understanding autism can help explain why something happened.
It should not automatically excuse everything.
And the diagnosis should not turn every ordinary mistake into evidence that something is wrong with the person.
Sometimes people mess up.
Then they learn.
Then they try again.
That is called being human.
Labels can help, but they can also become walls
Labels have a purpose.
They can help people access services.
They can create understanding.
They can give language to experiences.
They can connect someone with others who have gone through similar things.
But a label can become harmful when people start believing they know the entire person because they know the label.
Imagine introducing yourself and having someone immediately decide:
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what you can do
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what you cannot do
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what you enjoy
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how intelligent you are
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what kind of future you will have
All before actually knowing you.
That would be frustrating.
People deserve the opportunity to surprise us.
Look beyond what is immediately visible
A person who appears withdrawn may have a tremendous imagination.
A person who speaks very little may notice everything happening in the room.
A person who talks endlessly about one subject may have found the beginning of a future career.
A person who struggles in the classroom may thrive in a hands-on environment.
A person who finds social situations difficult may still deeply value friendship.
There is often much more happening underneath the surface than other people realize.
That is why curiosity is better than assumption.
Childhood should not become a prediction of adulthood
This is especially important.
When a child receives an autism diagnosis, people may immediately start wondering what the future will look like.
Will they work?
Will they live independently?
Will they have friends?
Will they go to college?
Will they have relationships?
Those are understandable questions.
But childhood is not the final version of anyone.
Children grow.
Skills develop.
Interests change.
Support changes.
Opportunities appear.
People surprise us.
The future should not be decided too early by what someone can or cannot do today.
Support the person who exists now while leaving room for the person they may become.
Adults with autism are still growing too
Growth does not stop at eighteen.
Adults continue learning.
They discover new interests.
They change careers.
They make new friends.
They learn better ways to communicate.
They gain confidence.
They fail.
They recover.
They become different versions of themselves throughout life.
That matters because sometimes autism support focuses heavily on childhood.
But adults deserve room to grow too.
Adulthood is not the finish line.
It is another beginning.
See the personality
This may be one of the simplest things people can do.
Notice the personality.
Is the person funny?
Serious?
Curious?
Competitive?
Quiet?
Adventurous?
Creative?
Stubborn?
Kind?
Sarcastic?
Thoughtful?
There is a human personality underneath every diagnosis.
And that personality deserves room to exist.
Someone should be able to be known as:
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the person who loves pinball
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the friend who remembers every movie quote
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the coworker who always catches mistakes
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the artist who notices tiny details
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the person who makes everyone laugh
Not only:
“the person with autism.”
Let people tell their own story
Whenever possible, people with autism should have a voice in how they are described.
Ask them what matters.
Ask what they want others to understand.
Ask what they are proud of.
Ask what they want help with.
Ask what they do not want help with.
As children become teenagers and teenagers become adults, that voice becomes increasingly important.
A person's story should not always be told around them.
At some point, it needs to be told with them.
And whenever possible, by them.
The diagnosis can be part of the story
None of this means autism should be ignored.
Autism may be a very meaningful part of someone's identity and experience.
It can shape how a person communicates, learns, processes the environment, builds relationships, and understands the world.
There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that.
The point is simply that autism is not the whole story.
A person's life also contains:
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family
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friendships
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interests
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mistakes
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adventures
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talents
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dreams
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disappointments
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accomplishments
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ordinary everyday moments
All of those things matter too.
Final thought
A diagnosis can open doors to understanding.
But it should never close the door on possibility.
When you meet someone with autism, do not stop at the label.
Keep looking.
Learn what they enjoy.
Learn what challenges them.
Learn what makes them laugh.
Learn what they are good at.
Learn what they want from life.
Let them surprise you.
And give them enough room to become someone nobody could have completely predicted.
Because autism may be part of the person.
But the person will always be bigger than the diagnosis.
Thank you for reading.
With appreciation,
Tyler McNamer
Founder, AutismWorks
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