Letting People In: Staying Safe While Staying Open

Hello AutismWorks Community,

Being independent can feel like protection. When you’re used to doing things on your own, you learn a rhythm that makes sense: predictable, quiet, controlled. New people can disrupt that rhythm fast—because people are unpredictable. They bring different energy, different expectations, and sometimes confusing signals.

So yes… letting people in can be scary.

But it can also be worth it.

This article is about being open to different kinds of people—without abandoning your boundaries—and allowing connection to happen gradually, in a way that still feels safe.

Doing Life Alone Can Become a Habit

Sometimes solitude isn’t just preference—it’s a survival strategy.

If social situations have been confusing, draining, or painful, it makes sense to build a life where you don’t need anyone. That can feel strong.

But over time, always doing everything alone can turn into a closed door you didn’t mean to lock.

Being open doesn’t mean you stop enjoying independence. It just means you leave room for connection when it’s earned.

Openness Doesn’t Mean Instant Trust

This is the key difference.

Being open means:

• I allow the possibility of connection

• I give people a chance to show who they are

• I learn slowly, with observation and boundaries

It does not mean:

• I tell someone everything right away

• I ignore red flags

• I force myself to be social when I’m overwhelmed

Openness is a door with a lock. You control the key.

“All Kinds of People” Doesn’t Mean Everyone Gets Close

There are different levels of connection—and that’s healthy.

Think of it like circles:

• Circle 1: People I trust deeply

• Circle 2: People I enjoy and feel safe with

• Circle 3: Friendly acquaintances

• Circle 4: People I’m polite to, but keep distance

You can be open to meeting many people… while still being intentional about who gets access to your inner world.

What to Do When Someone Wants to Get to Know You

If someone is trying to connect, it can trigger pressure: What do I say? How much do I share? What if I mess up?

Here’s a calm approach:

1) Start small
Share one simple thing: a hobby, a show, a game, a music genre.

2) Watch their response
Do they listen? Do they respect your pace? Or do they push?

3) Let it build naturally
Connection grows through repeated safe interactions—not one “perfect” conversation.

Simple Lines That Make Openness Easier

You don’t need a speech. Try one of these:

• “I’m usually a quiet person, but I’m glad you said hi.”

• “I take time to warm up, but I’m open to getting to know people.”

• “I’m better one-on-one than in groups.”

• “Thanks for being patient with me.”

These lines communicate honesty without overexplaining.

Boundaries That Protect Openness

The best part? Boundaries don’t block connection—they make it safer.

Examples:

• “I’m not a hug person, but I like talking.”

• “I may leave early. That doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it.”

• “I need direct communication—no hints.”

• “I’m open to hanging out, but I need a plan.”

When the right people hear boundaries, they don’t get offended—they adapt.

A Healthy Challenge: Let One Person In (Just a Little)

Not everyone. Just one.

• One conversation

• One meet-up

• One shared interest

• One step outside your routine

If it goes well, you can try again.

If it doesn’t, you still learned something—and you’re still in control.

New people can be unpredictable. That’s true.

But some people are also surprisingly kind. Some are patient. Some are safe. And some will genuinely want to know you—not to change you, but to understand you.

It’s okay to let them in.

Slowly. Carefully. With boundaries.

And over time, those small openings can turn into something strong.

Thank you for reading.

With appreciation,
Tyler McNamer
Founder, AutismWorks