Observation Leads to Wise Connections

Hello AutismWorks Community,

In the last article, I talked about “recon”—my habit of quietly observing people before stepping into a social situation. It’s something I still do today. Watching from a distance gives me insight into what’s going on, what people are doing, and how they treat each other.

But once the observing is done, the next step becomes just as important: choosing who I want around me.

Why Your Circle Matters

The people you spend time with shape how you feel about yourself. They can lift you up—or drag you down. That’s why I’ve learned to be careful about who I let into my circle.

Some people will understand you, give you space when you need it, and stand by you without judgment. Others might push too hard, cross boundaries, or make fun of things they don’t understand.

It’s okay to be selective. It’s okay to take your time.

How I Decide Who Belongs in My Circle

After watching how someone behaves, I ask myself a few questions:

• Do they speak kindly about others?

• Do they respect people’s space and needs?

• Are they real, or are they trying to be someone they’re not?

• Do I feel calmer or more stressed around them?

• Can I be myself without pretending?

If the answers feel good, I’ll give them a chance to get closer. If not, I keep some distance—and that’s perfectly okay.

What a Good Circle Looks Like

The best circles aren’t always big. Sometimes, it’s just one or two people who really get you—and that’s enough.

A good circle:

• Encourages you to be yourself

• Listens without trying to fix everything

• Laughs with you, not at you

• Respects your quiet moments

• Reminds you of your strengths

When you're around people like that, you don’t have to explain every little thing. They just get it. And when they don’t, they make the effort to try.

The Strength to Walk Away

There’s nothing wrong with walking away from people who drain your energy or make you feel less than. Saying “no” to someone who doesn’t respect you is a form of self-respect.

I’ve had to do this. It’s not always easy, but I’ve never regretted it.

You don’t owe everyone access to your life. Your space is valuable—guard it wisely.

Choosing your circle is one of the most important things you can do for your mental and emotional health. I still observe first, then decide. The people I keep close help me grow. They make the hard days easier and the good days even better.

Take your time. Choose wisely. Build your circle one good connection at a time.

With you all the way,
Tyler McNamer
Founder, AutismWorks