Parents can transform children, and parents can transform themselves in the process. Everyone is learning different things at the same time, and we all choose a path that can either save us or destroy us. The choice is ours to make.

“Help me. Save me.”

Growing up with autism, those are the two sentences I always wanted to say out loud but just couldn’t. I was mostly non-verbal then, and I didn’t think people would understand if I were to say them. What could I do instead? Hold someone’s hand.

Once I learned how to master the hug with others by social cues, I felt like I had won the day! To me, it was a big deal, not because it felt good to have that kind of appreciation or because I have autism, but because there were so many times when I thought I was different and would stay different. But moments like these remind me that I have a place here, and the people who hug me want me to stay.

All of my life, I have been accompanied by adults. Sometimes I thought I would become an adult at an early age, but saying that out loud and thinking about it sounds incredibly wrong and rude. I don’t think anyone can grow up that fast. I was a child with a lot of adults around. I felt more comfortable with them because of one key factor: They understood.

As for being an adult, if I had the social skills, the proof that I’m worthy to be with others doing big things like nightclubs, night outs in the city, or anything to do with schoolmates, I would do something, but I just couldn’t. I felt like it was all wasted opportunities on my end, and I wished I could just do school all over, but that won’t happen because everyone’s gone and living their own lives because they had to grow up, too.

People tend to ask me quite often if I have a girlfriend or am in a relationship. I think sometimes when that question comes up, it’s like asking, “Is there hope for my child to get a girlfriend or a boyfriend?”